SPONSOR/SPONSEE THIRD STEP WORKSHEET
"We admitted that we were powerless over our addition, that our lives had become unmanageable."
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The first mistake that many of us made when we came into the program is that we think drugs are the problem. When we say to the newcomer that drugs are only a symptom of a much deeper problem (addiction), it is hard for them to understand this.
To get a better understanding of addiction, we must look at the disease concept of addiction. From that point of view, addiction is a disease of attitudes, personality and a general negative outlook, that is rooted in fear, insecurity and low self-esteem. The main ingredients of addiction are obsession and compulsion. Obsession - that fixed idea that takes us back time and time again to our particular drug, or some substitute, (substitute being anything that makes us feel good and get instant gratification, such as money, power, sex, food, anger, etc.) to recap the ease and comfort we once knew. Compulsion - once having started the process with one fix, one pill, one drink or one substitute we cannot stop through our own power of will. Because of our physical sensitivity to drugs and anything that makes us feel good, we are completely in the grip of a destructive power greater than ourselves.
Looking at addiction from this point of view, we see how addiction makes our lives unmanageable with or without drugs. At this point we must surrender and accept how powerless we are over our addiction. When we do this a very strange thing happens, we begin to gain power through the (WE) part of the program and the next Eleven Steps. It has often been said that the First Step is our past and the things of our past that are with us today. And the next Eleven Steps are our future.
Now that we have a better understanding of our addiction, let us look at some ways we can apply the First Step in our daily lives. The most obvious is that we can't pick up that first drug or our lives will become unmanageable. We must accept and surrender to this JUST FOR TODAY. Let's now take a look at some non-chemical ways we must apply this step in ours lives.
1. You go out to your car in the morning and it has a flat tire. Rather than feeding into the addiction attitudes of anger or frustration, which will create unmanageability, we must accept and surrender to the fact that the tire is flat and take action to correct the situation. As addicts we tend to resist the act of surrendering and using this step on every day problems making our lives unmanageable.
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2. Another situation could be you go out to your car and you start it up and the motor dies. It can't be fixed. You need it for your job. You must be able to apply the first step to this situation. Accept and surrender that the car cannot be fixed and you then gain the power to find alternate transportation. Or you can refuse to surrender and apply the step and let your life become unmanageable. The choice is yours. The First Step can be and must be applied to all areas of our live. This is called living the Steps. The bottom line is that drugs are one symptom of our disease. The only relief we get from our disease is by working the steps. It is a new and exciting experience that will bring many changes into our lives. The following questions you are to write about on a separate sheet of paper and return to your sponsor.
1. What do you have to give to the "WE" of N.A.?
2. How have you been isolating?
3. How good are you at being a part of?
4. How many times is the word "admitted" in our steps?
5. Why is this word so important?
6. How good are you at admitting?
7. In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "admitted".
8. Write your definition of "admitted".
9. What is your definition of “powerless"?
10. In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "powerless".
11. What does the word "were" mean as used in the First Step?
12. What is "our addiction"?
13. Look through the 1st ten chapters of the Basic Text and write down all definitions for addiction. (Stated or implied)
14. What is the disease of addiction?
15. Why is being clean not enough?
16. How was my life unmanageable in my addiction?
17. How is my life unmanageable in recovery?
18. How do I apply the First Step in my life?
19. How are our steps different than any other 12 step program?
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20. Am I willing to accept the steps as a way of life?
21. In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "addiction".
22. Write out how you were powerless over your addiction when using and in your recovery.
23. What does” had become" mean when used in the 1st step?
24. In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "unmanageable".
25. Write out your definition of "unmanageable".
26. How was your life unmanageable when you were using and in recovery?
27. Who managed your life when using and who manages your life in recovery?
28. What does sponsorship have to do with the 1st step?
29. Write out the benefits of accepting your powerlessness over your addiction.
30. Write out the benefits of surrendering your life to N.A.
One last thing that must be pointed out is the " WE" portion of this step and all our steps. All our steps begin with WE, except the 12th one, which has the word WE in the center. This makes us different than any 12 step program. Narcotics Anonymous is a WE program not a "me" program. Part of our strength and power comes from "WE". Together we can. I can't, WE can. This is why we need meetings for the rest of our lives. This is why we need contact daily with other recovering addicts. A statement many newcomers may ask is, "if I stop using, I should be cured and I don't need the program or meetings anymore." The only way I know to clear up this denial is to answer this way. A non-addict (a non-addict is a person who does not have the addictive personality) who goes to the hospital for an operation is given a physically addictive drug for pain during a period of two weeks. He becomes physically addicted. They detoxed him and he goes on with his life without any problem. However, addicts with the disease of addiction, having addictive personalities are unable to just stop with no problems, we were addicted long before we used.
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SPONSOR/SPONSEE STEP TWO WORKSHEET
"We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
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The insanity referred to in this step is not the insanity of using drugs. We were restored to the sanity of not using by surrendering to Step 1, we now find ourselves clean and our lives are still unmanageable in many areas. Much of that unmanageability comes from doing the something over and over again, and expecting different results each time. Of course, the results are always the same, unmanageability and insanity in our lives. But what is there to do, go on the best we can, or begin to change with the second step as our guide through ongoing recovery.
The next question we begin to ask is: What is the power greater than ourselves? Many of us immediately thought this meant our higher power, but we are not introduced to a higher power until the Third Step. Our higher power is the ultimate power greater than ourselves, whatever our concept of a higher power is. However, this is not the power greater than ourselves that we are referring to in the second step. The best way to explain this is that a power greater than ourselves can change from situation to situation. I like to call it gifts from my higher power. A power greater than ourselves can be the NA program, our sponsor, another person, pain or something we may read, etc. It is anything that makes us aware of the insanity of a situation if we act out on a defect or negative will.
Now having an understanding of the Second Step, let's look at some of the ways we can apply the Second Step into our lives.
1. The first way we applied this step when we came into the program was that NA becomes a power greater than ourselves. It helps us get through early problems without using and teaches us different ways of doing things.
2. Something someone may share with us can become a power greater than ourselves, if it makes us aware of something we are doing in the wrong way so we can then change it.
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3. Pain many times becomes a power greater than us. Sometimes it is the only thing that will make us do something in a different way to get sane results.
4. A sponsor or some other recovering addict can become a power greater than ourselves, by making us aware of the way we are doing things.
You can now see a power greater than ourselves can change from situation to situation. The important thing is to beware of how to apply this principle in your life, so that insanity and unmanageability does not take hold. The principle of the step can be a power greater than "ourselves".
The following questions, you are to write about on a separate paper and return to your sponsor.
1. What does "WE" mean as it applies to Step 2?
2. Write out the definition of "came to" as they apply to step 2.
3. In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of the word "believe."
4. Write out your own definition of the word "believe."
5. What is your definition of “a power greater than ourselves"?
6. List 3 powers greater than yourself in your active using.
7. List 3 powers greater than yourself in your recovery.
8. What are the 3 characteristics that a higher power should have?
9. What does the word "could” mean to you?
10. In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "could."
11. In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "restore."
12. Write out how you were insane when using.
13. Write out how you are insane in recovery.
14. Write out your definition of "sanity."
15. In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "sanity."
16. What are the benefits of "coming to believe in a power greater than yourself?"
17. Name 10 positive things that a power greater than yourself has done for you.
18. What is a power greater than yourself?
19. What type of sanity is the second step referring to?
20. How can I apply this step into my life?
21. What does this step mean to me?
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SPONSOR/SPONSEE THIRD STEP WORKSHEET
"We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him."
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This has often been referred to as a stumbling block of recovery. Many of us just get stuck here and can't seem to move on. The reason for this, as addicts we like to take something simple and complicate it, but it doesn't have to be that way if we become willing and open minded. Now with that in mind let's look at this step, beginning with the word decision. What is a decision? A decision is an action word, it is a beginning, a starting point or looking at it from a point of recovering, it is the time we let go of our old attitudes and let the steps begin to build new attitudes in our lives as we make mistakes and grow in spiritual principles. As you can see now, being willing and open minded is very important as far as decision and the Third Step are concerned. Simply put, a decision is accepting this step into our lives.
The next part of the step we must look at is "To turn our will and our lives." We must ask ourselves, what does the step mean by our will and our lives? Our will is our way of doing things. We always want to fix things to the way we want them, no matter who it hurts or destroys. It comes from the core of our disease, self-centerness. There is only one power that can destroy self-centerness and that is spirituality. We are now beginning to build spirituality in our lives, which we get a realization of its strength and power in the Eleventh Step. Our lives simply mean our day-to-day affairs. Our problems, our worries and our pain.
Now let's look at the words "over to the care of God as we understand Him." Many of us couldn't or wouldn't relate to that word God. By the time we reached NA many of us were Atheist or Agnostic and some of us had a God who was vengeful. Here again is where we need to be willing and open minded and honest. The type of honesty we are talking about here is self honesty. We must be honest enough to admit that there is a power that is higher than ourselves. It doesn't matter what this power is. The program tells us God as we understood him. It doesn't have to be a God of someone else's belief, but a God of your belief. This is where much confusion comes in the program. As addicts, sometimes we try to push our God and our beliefs about him onto other addicts.
I have heard some addicts tell another addict to get down on his knees to pray to God without even knowing if that is the God of that addict's understanding. The important thing to remember is that it is a God of your understanding. It could be the God of your childhood or a force, nature, some kind of intelligence or just a rock in the backyard. It is a higher power you and you alone can have faith in. You relate and pray to your higher power according to the way you understand him. The higher power you have today may change during ongoing recovery and that's okay, it's your Higher Power. Now let's talk about "over to the care of." One mistake we make when we don't understand this step is that we say "turn it over to God." We leave out the word CARE. Without the word care we change the entire meaning of the step. Let me give you an example of this. It's Saturday night and you and your wife/husband are going out for the night and have a child, you don't turn your child over to a babysitter, but you turn your child over to the care of a babysitter to watch and guide. When we turn our will and lives over to the care of God we do this not to become robots or carbon copies of each other, but to have a Higher Power of our understanding watch and guide our will and lives.
The question has been asked many times, "what is God's will for me?" The answer is simple, God's will for us is to act mature and responsible to the best of our ability, at whatever point of our recovery we are at. God's will for us grows as we grow. If we act mature and responsible to the best of our ability, the outcome of our situation will be as mature and responsible as it can be at that point of recovery. Now, when we turn our lives over to the care of God as we understood him, one of two things will happen. Let's look at what these two things are:
1. If we are living the first three steps in our lives on all things, in other words, we are living mature and responsible; our higher power will work things out for us.
2. If we are not living the first three steps on our lives our higher power will allow us to feel the consequences of our actions, so we can learn from them, so we can act mature and responsible.
When we first came into the program of Narcotics Anonymous we were physically, mentally and spiritually bankrupt. The first step restored us physically. The second step restored us mentally and the third step restored us spiritually. We must maintain vigilance over these three aspects of our disease. The first to go will be the spiritual; the second to go will be the mental/emotional part of our disease. The next and final will be the physical, the act of picking up again. That is why it is so important to live these steps in our lives; it is the maintenance of our program. If you have no higher power try G.O.D., Good Orderly Direction.
One last thing we will talk about is the relationship of the Serenity Prayer to the first three steps. Once we realize the connection between the two, the serenity prayer becomes a powerful tool in our lives. Let's take a look at it.
The courage to change the things I can. The second step doing things differently to change the outcome from insane results.
And the results to know the difference. This is the Third Step doing the mature and responsible thing, not our will.
Write about the following on a separate paper and return so we can go over it.
1. What is a decision?
2. How did I make my decision?
3. What is my will and life?
4. How do I turn my will and my life over to God?
5. Why is it OK to have a different Higher Power than you?
6. Why do I have to live the first three steps in my life?
7. What are the three phases of relaspe?
8. How can the serenity prayer help me in my life?
9. Why is being clean without living the steps dangerous?
10. How did others help you come to the point of making a decision?
11. Who or what made your decisions for you while you were using?
12. Who or what makes your decisions for you while in your recovery?
13. Who managed your life while using?
14. Who manages your life in recovery?
15. What is a "decision"?
16. In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "decision".
17. What is our "will"?
18. What is our "lives"?
19. What do the words "over to the care of" mean to you?
20. In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "care".
21. What was your relationship with God like before coming to NA?
22. What are the three characteristics needed for "a God of our understanding?"
23. Write out in detail what you believe to be your Higher Power?
24. Write out every time you felt God's presence in recovery and while using.
25. #Write out 24 things you have to be grateful for today.
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